Hey there Epic Parent!
Parenting is hard. Kids don't come with rule books. If you're a regular subscriber, you've heard me say plenty of times "It takes a village to raise a child." Sometimes we get distracted or caught up in the "the battle" with our teen + it may not feel like you're an epic parent.
Sometimes your kid can say "I hate you" + it's a common teen response. While other times your teen could say "I hate you" + it's a genuine concern. So how do you know you're epic?
+boundaries + business + recognition & help + intentional time +
I can hear you now asking what the heck I’m talking about, so let’s go through this list together!
1 | You set boundaries yet you’re flexible.
You're an epic parent if you're flexible yet set clear boundaries. Teens need boundaries! Their brains aren't fully developed. They're just starting to engage in higher level thinking yet their moral compass isn't fully developed. Many teens lack sound judgment + give into peer pressure. As an epic parent, you recognize this + try to allow them to exercise their independence. There’s no way you can influence your child’s decision on every situation. I can hear you asking now, “Well what am I supposed to do Seida?” You equip your child with the necessary skills to make their own decision + support them throughout the process.
2 | You’re all up in their business.
Being an epic parent, you already know that parenting isn’t about enabling your child. As an epic Therapist, I’m all up + through my client’s business! This is helpful for the person sharing, because you’re holding them accountable + they get a chance to share. Draining off emotions can be more effective for situations sometimes rather than prompting them to take action. This also opens up the lines of communication between you + your child. Accountability isn’t always a negative thing. Accountability reminds you of the progress you’ve made when you can’t see the positive things you’ve done.
3 | You recognize when the need is greater + seek additional support.
It’s always a more pleasant experience if a person humbly admits they need additional support rather than being forced to get additional support as a result of managing intense emotions inappropriately. It can be difficult to admit that your child’s needs are greater than what you can manage in your home. If this is you -- I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with seeking additional support. In fact, I would argue that seeking additional support makes you an epic parent. Acknowledging their feelings doesn’t mean you agree with their line of thought, it simply means you’re giving them a safe space to process those feelings.
4 | You intentionally create quality time/experiences with them.
Spending intentional time with your child is going to be the best thing for your relationship. Let’s be real - why? Because we’ve all been teens before! Your teen is gonna make a mistake, lie to you and/or sneak + do something you don’t approve of. It’s a natural part of growing up + becoming more independent. So what is it that will “stop” this process from happening? Nothing. Nothing will stop this process from happening.
What will decrease the intensity of the situation is a solid relationship with your teen. I’m sorry if this sounds depressing. I’m not trying to sound negative or depressing. I’m trying to be realistic with you about what to expect. Your relationship with your teen is the single most important element that will cause them to turn around + confide in you when they have made a mess of things. Think back to your adolescent years, did you have a solid relationship with your parents? Did you feel comfortable enough talking to them about mistakes you had made? Did you ever make a mistake + try to solve it on your own only to make it worse? We have to create safe spaces that encourage conversations. Your child has to know you love them regardless of what they do. They also have to feel that love reflected in your responses.
If you saw a reflection of yourself in these examples: CONGRATS! You’re an epic parent! If you didn’t see yourself in these examples, you can still become an epic parent. It may just take a bit more work. If you need specific strategies on ways to start conversations, I want to invite you to visit the Tribe Libe (the library) for free resources. If you’re looking to dig deeper, I would encourage you to check out the workbook I wrote on relationships. If you want a sneak peek of what’s inside, some of the content is still up on the blog - so feel free to check it out first! As always, I would love to hear from you either in the Tribe Lounge or by sending me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Talk to you soon EPIC PARENT!