Ever find yourself in a super agitated state? I'm not talking about when something has happened to you. I mean one of those super agitated 4 week long irritable moods.... yep - that one time you're thinking of in your head! Perhaps you find yourself in a funk and you're not really sure how to pull yourself out of it. Or maybe you feel justified for being in a funk, because people are just plain old annoying!
Wherever you find yourself on this continuum, I am writing to you! First things first: understand that I have been there! I believe we all go through stages where we get into a rut. By the time you realize you're in a rut, you have already formed a habit. Habits are extremely hard to break! Sometimes we can break habits on our own, while other times we need help breaking habits. The key thing to understand is that habits CAN be broken with determination and sometimes a little extra support. If you find yourself in need of an attitude adjustment (or you're not sure if you need one) keep reading.
.self check. If you're a FTHC Tribe Member you probably already knew this step was coming right? I am so big on self-checks, because we live in a world of entitlement and self-indulgence that has set us up for failure. We get upset about so many insignificant things that we miss out on important things. For example (this may or may not be a true story about my toddler), a toddler who woke up much earlier than her hard-working parents to "mop" the floor. This toddler's version of mopping the floor meant smearing AJAX cleanser over every square inch of the beautiful hardwood floors in the living, the floors in the kitchen and downstairs bathroom. Did I mention this cleanser was accompanied by lovely puddles of water...all....over....the...floors....?
Now my husband and I -- err I mean the parents could choose to be upset about the H.U.G.E. mess that needed to be cleaned up in the morning. OR they could simply let the toddler know that they thoroughly appreciate her trying to mop the floors, but to wait for Mommy and Daddy to wake up next time. We often jump to anger/irritation and miss the intent. My daughter was trying in all of her 2-year-old heart to carry out a nice gesture! She wanted to show Mommy and Daddy that she could clean up too. We miss out on experiencing her character and display of love when we are quick to anger. (Side note: she had gotten her pants soaking wet in the process of mopping the floor, so she changed them, put on new ones and went to sleep! Ha!) Please understand that I know this is not an easy thing to do - especially when you're overworked and exhausted!
ASK YOURSELF | Am I finding people don't want to be around me? Have I been waking up irritable lately? Have people I trust told me I need to relax? Be realistic about how you have been feeling....
.check the problem. Once you have gone through the process of checking yourself, it's time to figure out what the root of the issue is. You might say, "Well Seida I have no clue what the issue is! I'm just irritable!" You can figure out what the issue is by asking several questions: when does this problem typically occur? What happens just before the problem occurs? What happens just after the problem occurs? Is it a certain time of day? How am I feeling when the issue starts? Below is an example what my conversation might look like if I were helping someone work through this:
When does this problem occur? In the morning when I walk into work. What happens just before the problem occurs? I'm walking into a stupid job I hate. What happens after the problem occurs? I'm super irritated, because someone said something to me. Is it a certain time of day? Mainly in the morning, but sometimes in the afternoon or when things gets really busy for me. How am I feeling when the issue starts? I'm irritated to be at work #1 and then somebody stops me to bark some command before I've even taken off my coat!
Issue: You're probably not a morning person and may need to ask co-workers for a few minutes before they start talking to you. Or take 5 minutes in the parking lot before walking in to prepare yourself mentally to start work. See how answering questions can be insightful? Your turn!
ASK YOURSELF | What is the problem? What can I do to change it? How can a different attitude about this situation make things better? Be realistic with your answers...
.check with someone else. Okay so maybe you answered the questions above and you can't figure out any solutions. If you fall into that category this section is for you! Some issues are way too big for us to handle on our own. We all need support, love and friendship to survive and thrive in life! This is the point where perhaps you recognize that you're struggling and need help. Maybe you're not sure who to trust. Is there someone in your life that is genuinely concerned about your well-being? Think about that person that not only asks how your day or weekend is going/went, but that listens for the answer + offers feedback that demonstrates they were actually listening to what you said. Think about interactions that go beyond surface level conversations. Think about interactions that feel authentic. Consider asking that person for advice.
ASK YOURSELF | Can I handle this issue on my own? Do I need hep adjusting my attitude about this situation until the situation can change? Do I need help changing the situation? Am I engaged in a toxic relationship that prevents me from seeing things differently?
These questions might not seem tough to answer from staring at them on a computer screen; however, if you allow yourself to think deeply before responding - you will gain much more insight! How do you spring clean your attitude? Is there something I haven't shared that you have found useful? Let me know in the comments below or in the FTHC Tribe Lounge!